:: All That You Can't Leave Behind ::

:: Friday, December 31, 2004 ::

Happy New Year

So as another year comes to a close I sit here and wonder about things. Wonder where I'm going, what I'm going to be doing. Where I might be this time next year. Right now I'm sitting in The Boy's apartment typing this out on his laptop, watching the Golden Girls simultaneously. I do believe we'll be on our way out to The Dame and then Mia's for drinks to ring in the new year.

I hope all of you have a good new year and I wish the best for all of us. Hopefully my next post will be an exciting one. Thanks for reading.
:: Estoy_Libre 8:34 PM [+] ::
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The One Where I Can't Believe How Long It's Been Since I've Posted

I forgot that I had typed up this nice little entry around Thanksgiving time and for some reason or another lost it in the posting transition. It was long and detailed so needless to say I wasn't willing to write it again and just left my blog in the suspended state of Election Week.

I wish I had something to contribute to your day, dear reader but I don't think it's to be. I think that I'm experiencing one of those down-hill-moments on the roller coaster of life. One day just blurs into the next and somehow I find myself on my days off thinking "Time for this again?" I don't even think I'd call what I'm going through "living". I actually looked that word up and the responses are foreign to me. "Quality of life", "interesting and relevant", "realistic or true to life". If I was to describe my situation none of those phrases comes even relatively close.

I'm not truly living. I know that and it scares me. I'm settling for something that shouldn't even be considered a consolation prize. I'm trying to keep some faith in the idea of when a door closes, a window will open. To say I'm frantically searching for glass is an understatement.

I search for alternatives but nothing has materialized yet. I thought about school but missed the application deadline by two days. I campaigned harder than I ever have for a job, at Joseph-Beth, only to get a few call backs and then eventually the frigid shoulder that is known as voicemail. I search the Careers section but nothing yet that I'm either qualified to do or would pay me enough.

Every time I think things have smoothed out they get bumpy if not totally cracked out. I'm tired of wondering when things will change when I'm trying my best to do just that. I know it won't magically happen on it's own but it's terribly disconcerting and counterproductive to try all you can with the same damn results. What more am I supposed to do? To top that off I come home from work tonight and my mom has already decorated the tree without me. For some reason she tells me there's more to do but, usless she's smokin' crack, the tree was done. WTF? Someone help me please...
:: Estoy_Libre 11:52 PM [+] ::
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